I don't have a lot of time to write now, so Ill just share a few brief thoughts that are so ever present for me right now.
The main one is sorrow. That explains how I feel right now. Sorrow, which floods my whole self and sinks in, heavy and not fleeing. Broken. I feel broken and not just wounded. Broken to where I know that there is no relatively simple fix. I wish i could find a way to wrench an effort from deep inside to do whatever it takes to simply address the sorrow and muster up whatever I had, do whatever I needed to do to fix it. But I know deep inside I'm too far gone for this to be possible. I feel the weight too heavily and I have no strength left.
I'm also not even sure where to start. These things that I feel run so deeply and are so entangled in me that I feel so lost. I just want to melt away and turn to dust.
Instead I must face each grueling day that will follow and try to be a decent human being to others when I need to interact with people, when all I want to do is say nothing, be nothing and just disappear.
I'm praying for strength and somehow peace. That I can move on with dignity and somehow feel like myself again.
Here's hoping.
The main one is sorrow. That explains how I feel right now. Sorrow, which floods my whole self and sinks in, heavy and not fleeing. Broken. I feel broken and not just wounded. Broken to where I know that there is no relatively simple fix. I wish i could find a way to wrench an effort from deep inside to do whatever it takes to simply address the sorrow and muster up whatever I had, do whatever I needed to do to fix it. But I know deep inside I'm too far gone for this to be possible. I feel the weight too heavily and I have no strength left.
I'm also not even sure where to start. These things that I feel run so deeply and are so entangled in me that I feel so lost. I just want to melt away and turn to dust.
Instead I must face each grueling day that will follow and try to be a decent human being to others when I need to interact with people, when all I want to do is say nothing, be nothing and just disappear.
I'm praying for strength and somehow peace. That I can move on with dignity and somehow feel like myself again.
Here's hoping.
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