"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

Thursday, August 30, 2012


Sometimes it takes a long while of inaction, of not thinking but simply being to come to a revelation. Its not often we can fully disconnect and let things happen around us and to us without putting up the barriers that we naturally do raise. We may go along, content enough, never wake from a state of complacency unable to lower the barriers or stop working towards something we feel we should be heading towards.  Or sometimes there are moments of shock and clarity or inspiration but they are fleeting.
It is often not only until we can become disconnected, observing and enjoying without a particular goal that things become clear. Maybe its the absence of pressure, or the simple act of letting ourselves just be for once, but it surely is an unexpected pleasure.

I spent the last couple of weeks in France. I went for vacation; for the food, wine and scenery. But I know that entering another country and culture always has its unexpected and lasting effects. Isnt that really the point of travel? To learn about others and how they live, and to be reminded that your ways are not the only ways. To see the differences and appreciate them and respect them, but also to realize how small the world is and how we are all really the same. People are people, who only want love and happiness and to be respected. Traveling in another country can be a humbling experience at times. You are an outsider, a guest and the native people really owe you nothing. But this really gives you the chance to disconnect and observe, slow down in a way you can never do a home. A chance to clear your mind, notice the small things and just absorb.
That is the definitive and favorite word that stays with me from my trip, absorb. Absorb the endless cheese and wine, the sunshine and foreign words floating around be with their beautiful finish. Absorb the images of rolling vineyards, buildings drenched in hundreds of years of history, the way food is so delicately prepared and presented, absorb a pulse, a rhythm, a way of life that I can stand back and admire.
I really didnt suspect the impact these weeks of absorption would have on me. I knew i'd feel relaxed, appreciative of the beauty and the delicious pastries, but not that some things would become utterly clear to me, especially when i didn't spend one minute actively looking for clarity or answers for any kinds of questions.
But, as I laid in bed on our last night in Paris, some things just occurred to me. I need to do something (job) creative and I really really really want to do it on my own terms. I've always known I like to be creative and need an outlet for it. But this was something different, something much more clear. I felt suddenly that just having a hobby of being creative every now and then was simply not going to do. I needed to do something that I created, that i was proud of on a daily basis. From this revelation I asked myself what I think are some of the hard questions; so, you want to do "something" creative... what exactly? How will you do it?
And there came my want of doing it on my own terms. Ive watched so many people I love in family turn their ideas and dreams into their own business or own way of doing what they love outside the strict expectations of "normal" jobs or companies. I've watched them make this dream into a reality and consequently made the life they love to live. So, I thought, why not me?? I can do this, I think, or at least try!
And so I've been working on a project, that I hope can turn into something I can do for a living. And the best part about it is that its my creation and I get to say how its done and when!

I've definitely been wavering between giddy hope and a sense of despair that I will never be able to pull this off and i'll never be good enough. I feel incredibly vulnerable and desperate to achieve this. But I guess that these emotions mean that this means something to me, and thats a start.

So here's hoping... for a bright future in creation and entrepreneurship...

Some photos of beautiful France! What an inspiration!