"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

look for the good

So keep'em coming these lines on the road 
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load 
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise 
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes 

Worry. It does no one any good, yet it often is a part of our lives. I am a worrier, I admit. I always over analyze things, I often tend to imagine the worst when it comes to people and how they feel about me. I like things all arranged nicely in a way that makes me feel good and that all is well. But life is messy, and people are unpredictable and out of my control. Here is where letting go comes in. Something that I'm not very good at. I clutch on to things, to people, desperately trying to fix and make pleasant whatever may be awry. I do it for obvious reasons; no one likes to feel unrest, but also I think somehow I usually feel like its my obligation to make things better, because I usually feel like it must be at least partially my fault.

Is this disturbing? I know I have issues with blame, and Im trying to be bigger than that. I'm working on having more faith in myself, but I'm glad that I can admit blame and don't ever want to lose humility. Mostly I want to learn how to worry less. To focus on the good, and if something is awry, do what is needed to rectify it, and then move on. This will mean that I will have to leave things and move on from things that are not perfectly wrapped up and made pleasant, because that is not always possible.  Do everything with love in mind. That's all we can do. Do good, be kind, apologize when needed and then let go, seek peace.

“If you permit your thoughts to dwell on evil you yourself will become ugly. Look only for the good in everything so you absorb the quality of beauty.” ― Paramahansa Yogananda

Simplify. Focus on the good, the beauty. Life is oh so short. Why waste it in worry? Whenever my worries overcome me, I know I need to turn the focus inward and simplify. At the end of the day we have ourselves, our earth and hopefully love. That is the good, that is the beauty. Let me focus on this, and I will be rewarded tenfold. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

As I was leaving work today, I found that I was kind of grumpy. Yes, it had been kind of a long day. A LOUD day. I teach third grade, and some days the noise level is jut a little much. A day of repeating myself, again, again. A day where I felt I must have been speaking a language other than English because I got either no response or actions that showed the opposite of what I was asking...  Well, yes, these days, in what I do are inevitable, and really not that bad. Usually fatigue is the result.
In the midst of my grumpiness however, I remembered something. As a teacher you are taught to try to remember  what misbehavior almost always means in a child; and that is that a child acts out or misbehaves because they are missing some sort of fundamental emotional need. I know this, and believe it, but its not always easy to remember it or be sensitive to it when some children push you, day after day.
So I remembered this, and remembered and example that so truly proves this idea that happened just last week. I have a student who seems to always be misbehaving. As soon as my back is turned, this person is bothering other people or doing something they are not supposed to do. This person seems to never finish their work on time, or even complete it period. When this person does something they are not supposed to they lie about it... Lets just say my patience level with this individual is thin. Last week, however, this person finished work in a speedy and through manner. I was very proud of this person and made a point of telling them I was. This person proudly showed the work to a parent who immediately began criticizing the work and pointing out errors. My heart sank. It became all to clear to me that no matter what this kid does, he gets criticized. So why not act in a negative manner at school? Its all the same anyway. This kid acts out because he never gets positive feedback. Talk about feeling guilty. On the other hand, I know that this kind of behavior cannot be ignored or tolerated.
This was a sort of wake up call for me, in the sense that it challenged me once again to not forget the bigger picture. There is always so much more going on in some one's life, whether it be a child or adult. It challenged me to be a better teacher, a better person. I always try to be sensitive to others, but I can always do better. I need to do better. Take the time to ask a friend how they are, how they really are. To be supportive always of my husband and his endeavors instead of worrying about how it affects me.

I want more than anything to stay positive. Positive and peaceful. Its not that I have been unhappy, by any means. Often I find though, that its easier to complain or be disgruntled. Instead I want to chose the path of positivity. Taking the extra time and effort to be there for others in a real way, and also to keep my own life in perspective. I hope to emulate positivity. Who knows, it just might catch on.