Innocnet

I love Taylor Swift.  I know, I'm kinna old to be so giddy about a girl younger than me, but I can't help myself.  After all, we all know I'm, er, young at heart.  And i'm not going to be modest about it, I love that about myself. I get really really excited about things like fireworks and Disneyland. I like tween movies. I'm pretty silly and clumsy. I love happy endings and lots of sap.
This being young at heart thing, my mom calls it me being a romantic. I suppose that's part of it. And not in just the romantic love sort of way. I love history and especially historical fiction. I get lost in time periods and especially the women who made them up. I love old musicals.
Maybe a part of it is an innocence I don't ever want to lose. Or even if it is lost, I don't want to lose the awe, the hope, the giddy, the silly, all the feelings and rawness (as opposed to jaded-ness) that come with.
So.. back to Taylor Swift... I was listening to her tonight, as I often do, and thinking how much I love her, her songs. Not that I know her, but to me, she and most of her songs embody all these "young at heart", "romantic", and "innocent" feelings, and what can I say? I can relate.

So here is the lyrics to one of my favorites. In contrast to most songs, it describes those moments when all you feel is jaded, regret. The times when you feel like you can't do anything right. Cause as young at heart as some of us might be, as innocent, there are times when we just feel like terrible failures.
But time and a little humility can heal all.

I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin’ to get it back

Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been
You’re still an innocent
You’re still an innocent

Did some things you can’t speak of
But tonight you’ll live it all again
You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then

Wasn’t it easier in your firefly-catchin’ days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn’t it beautiful runnin’ wild ’til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent

Time turns flames to embers
You’ll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too

Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent
You’re still an innocent

Lost your balance on a tightrope
It’s never too late to get it back

Water Joy

Yesterday I went stand up paddle boarding for the first time.
Yes please!!
I thought I would enjoy it since I love being in and on the water and enjoy surfing and just being active out doors, but it was even better than I imagined it would be!
What surprised me the most was how peaceful it was. There is something about gliding over the water, looking out over sea and feeling the sun and the breeze.
One thing I strive for in my life is to be present; that is to be in the moment, appreciating my here and now and my surroundings and observing the world as it teems with life around me. There are times when I have the urge to just push through to something more exciting, passing the hours in anticipation of the future.
But this is no way to live. Even the seemingly mundane is valuable, and at the very least  it is life. We know life is short, so taking days or moments for granted is really such a tragedy.
And so there are many times I must concentrate on the moment, actively making sure I am in the here and now. And then there are those wonderful moments when I can't help but be ever so present, enjoying every little thing as it unfolds around me. These invaluable moments usually occur for me when I am outdoors, enjoying nature.
Out on a paddle board I couldn't help but smile and be completely present. Observing land from water is a unique perspective ill never tire of. It is instantly calming and breathtaking.

As always I am thankful for summer and sun and ocean and the chance to get to enjoy this beautiful earth.

So, go paddle boarding!
I can't wait to go again in August in Hawaii!

SUMMER

Summer makes me happy. I am a sunshine kind of gal. I derive endless pleasure and energy from clear skies, warm breezes and long light filled days.
There are too many things about summer to name that I love.
So I'll leave you with today's pleasures.
A breezy beach with lots of sun, peace and quiet, and a good book. What more could a girl really want ?
Oh yea, a cherry slurpee on the way home.

Here's to wonderful, lovely, smile giving summer! Im so glad you are in town.

nobody puts baby in the corner

I once read an article in a magazine about a lady who was seriously not a morning person. Her story was her confession  of this simple fact of her personality, as well as how much this simple fact had come to play a haunting role in her life.  Like so many of us are, as a "responsible" adult she was expected to rise early in the morning, be happy to accept invitations for early morning exercise classes or groups and brunches and simply become active early with a chipper desire to conquer the day with great energy.
She gave it her best shot, but just couldn't keep up. She found herself pretending to be someone she wasn't. And when she couldn't keep going that way, instead of pretending to be someone she wasn't, she began hiding who she really was. When asked or invited to participate in early morning activities, instead of feeling like she was able to tell the truth and simply say I don't want to get up that early, she made up false excuses, like she had other plans, simply so that she could be who she was (not a morning person), without  suffering the judgement.
This article both pleased and horrified me at the same time. It pleased me to know that I am not alone in my bodies never ending desire to sleep later than 9am, but it horrified me that this lady had to pretend to be someone she wasn't, and hide a truth about her for fear of judgement. JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO SLEEP. I mean, really?
It may seem silly, and even a moot point. Who cares if someone wants to sleep late? But in a society that operates from 8am to 5pm, values over working and prioritizes punctuality and perfection, it is a perhaps surprising, but sad reality that not being a morning person causes one to get treated differently than those that so conveniently fit into the early riser box.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.

Ok, so late to bed late to rise makes you, unhealthy? Unwise? How about lazy? This is a judgement that I have dealt with more than once for being a later riser. I sleep in late, wasting away the day, and I must be lazy, right?

There are certain ideas that seem to be universally logical. Things that benefit everyone and are for the best of the species. Example, treat others as you want to be treated. Seems simple, clear and generally like a good idea. Then, there are ideas that have somehow come to be considered the norm, over years in certain societies and cultures people have adopted abstract notions about the proper or correct way to behave in a society. Example, waking up early.
And I have another one, that I'm sure many would disagree with; punctuality. What is time, really? Its how we divide up our days. Its a categorizing mechanism so that we can organize our over busy days.
Now, time is a helpful tool. It allows us to plan things and accomplish things. But people value their time way too much. Is that all that matters in a life that is so short anyway? You spend your days counting your minutes and thinking that your time is so valuable. There is a fine line here. Time must be valued, in so far as it is limited when you are a mortal human being. So take the time to appreciate your life, being alive, the birds and the bees. But that's not what most people are doing when they say their time is valuable so you better not waste it. They are thinking how many things they can squeeze into a day that will benefit themselves.
Beyond that I just could never understand the sheer weight and grave importance put on punctuality. It is the rudest thing you could do to someone to be late, how dare you! Um, I'd rather someone be late than not really be present when they are there, to not be kind and careful when needed.
This is especially true when it comes to the work place.  Its the ass in seat mentality that I have such a hard time swallowing. How dare you be a little late to work, even though there was nothing that you were going to be doing productively when you were there on time. If you get there late, stay late to make up for it. So, stay there late when you have nothing you can do for work, as long as you are physically there, just sit at your desk and stare, because that is better than being late.
How about we focus in the quality of the job someone is doing. Isn't that the most important thing?
Now if someone is not punctual and misses something they are supposed to participate in or because of their tardiness cannot complete work, that is a problem.

I am just so tired of what seem to me to be arbitrary customs, and getting judged because i exist outside the box.  To me, it just seems like a waste of negative energy and a serious overlooking of whats really important in a life.



And now I am left with the sad fact that I don't see our society changing its arbitrary values and notions anytime soon. My choices? Ditch normal life and become a homeless wanderer? Pretty sure it will have to be continue to force myself, against all my natural inclinations, to fit into the box already built for me. At least some of the time. The rest is for me and those I love who accept the misfit that is me for who I really am.

Bicycle

Last week I bought a bicycle. I haven't owned a bike since I was maybe 10. Making my purchase, I pictured scenes of summer; riding near the beach on a warm summer day, biking to get a Popsicle.
I figured I'd ride it on and off when it was nice out.  As it turns out, it will be wonderful for those very things I pictured. What I didn't figure was that it is, to my pleasant surprise, good for so much more.

 One summer when I was about nine or ten, I spent my days playing cards on the shady front lawn of my neighborhood friend's house, chasing the ice cream truck with her and saving money to buy candy at the liquor store. Those wonderful lazy days we spent our time alternated between her house and mine and on all the tree lined streets in between. We owned the neighborhood and were free to make our own days and go where we liked because we had bikes. On our bikes we were free and independent, as free as any ten year-olds could be. Riding was fun and it was a means to explore and feel like we had the chance to make of the world what we wanted of it.
A few years later as a teenager I became less interesting in riding a bike and of course more interested in driving a car and riding in my friend's cars while they drove. We found freedom and a thrill in riding once again, but this time a little faster and further. But the thing about driving is, it eventually becomes a chore. Traffic, commuting, siting in a car for hours becomes tedious instead of liberating. We hardly take notice or pleasure in our surrounds, failing to enjoy the journey and focusing instead on our time and hurry and wanted destination. Unfortunately so many things become tedious like this or lose their simple pleasure or appeal as we get older. To my very happy discovery, riding a bike is not one of those.
I've ridden my bike every day since I got it, and what a pleasure its been. I feel like a kid again, the wind in my hair, looking up at the sky and noticing the trees and the clouds.
And as a completely independent, car driving adult, able to go wherever, whenever, I surprisingly and quite unabashedly feel freer than I've felt in a long, long time.

Life Lessons

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."

-Denis Waitley

No man is an Island. The choices we make every day, often without realizing it affect someone else. The doing, or nor doing has consequences. We cannot be so naive to think that we are immune to the world around us. That our doing has no affect on the surrounding world and that if we choose, the world can have no affect on us.
This connectivity  can be of the utmost comfort, or at times it can be daunting.
Sometimes its hard enough to sort through yourself; your emotions, wants, goals, seeking a balance is, for most of us a constant effort.
And so sometimes we make, what seems the wrong choice. A choice that disappoints or does not take another into consideration. Sometimes it is obvious, even as we are making the choice that it might leave someone behind or hurt. But sometimes we are surprised by the consequences of our actions. In these moments we can become exhausted and frustrated, thinking we let one down, and of the overwhelming task of keeping others in mind in every decision we make.

It is hard work being a peacekeeper. Being selfless all the time can be debilitating.  But acting like nothing you do matters in any great way is crippling.  And so we come back to that word balance. That elusive state where all is well and even. The more of life I live, the more i realize how important it is. In fact, I strongly urge that it be a daily mantra for all aspects of life. It is a key, i believe, to happiness. Happiness, which is not a destination, or a right. "Happiness is a spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." Happiness also has to do with choices. I do believe, to a certain extent, you can choose to be happy. It is a matter of mindset and a way of looking at things. And happiness is a balance of actions. Thinking of the consequences of our actions, the way it might affect others, but not forgetting ourselves all together for the sake of others. Because we cannot be happy hurting others and forgetting their integrity, but we also, i am convinced, cannot be happy by living solely for others.

So what is a way we can live this balance? "Live every minute with love, grace and gratitude." If love is the motivation for our actions, grace is how we carry out those actions and gratitude is our response to other's actions, then we have a good shot at happiness; experiencing our own and making others happy too.

Sunday

Everybody loves the weekend. Time off from work to do whatever you like, whenever you like.

Lots of us plan fun activities with friends and family. If you are like me, Friday nights are for going to dinner, or a movie, or social events. Saturdays are fun and somehow always busy, even hectic at times.

And then there is Sunday, lovely Sunday. It is a day like any other in most ways, and just another day in the weekend. Historically and traditionally in Western culture it is a day of rest. A day for family and worship. Although I do not actively practice and organize religion, I can't help but agree that Sundays were meant for family, for rest and for peace.

Unlike any other busy day of the week, I find that on Sunday I can finally relax, unwind, and really be present. I can focus on the now and notice and appreciate the little things. Watching a movie with my husband, reading a good book, playing a game with family. Sundays evoke feelings of security, simple pleasures and true happiness. The smell of Sunday dinner, the simple act of making the dinner. I always find joy in cooking; it relaxes me, gives me purpose and challenges me, and for some reason it seems to have more joy or meaning on Sunday. Its the slowing down, the taking the time to cook a meal from scratch, to leisurely enjoy it in the company of loved ones.

I love that as I grow older, and in this day, I have the freedom to keep the traditions that bring me joy; resting for a day, spending time with family, but I am not chained to anything for the sake of it.

I am free to chose the life that love, the way that makes me complete, free and happy. What a privilege and a blessing. I am thankful to my parents, my country, my husband and my friends for letting me choose. I know how vital it is to happiness to be able to be yourself. 

So here is to freedom and happiness.

And here is to Sunday; to family, friends, resting, and simple pleasures.

Happy Sunday!